Tag: roundtable talk

Growth doesn’t stop with age, but it often begins with stepping outside your comfort zone. That was the topic in a recent episode of Varsity’s Roundtable Talk. In that conversation, Derek sat down with award-winning journalist and bestselling author Chris Ballard to discuss his new book, The Plunge, and what cold-water immersion can teach us about resilience, health and aging.

Chris explored the science behind cold plunging, why swimming is one of the best lifelong activities, how embracing discomfort can build resilience, and why confidence comes from taking action, not waiting until you feel ready. He also shared lessons from reporting on extraordinary people who continue to challenge themselves well into later life.

Check out the full episode here.

WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BODY DURING COLD EXPOSURE?

At first, your body reacts as if it’s facing a threat. Adrenaline surges, your heart rate increases and you become extremely alert. But after about 90 seconds, something remarkable happens. Your body shifts into a calmer, more controlled state. Researchers have found it’s one of the few ways to become both highly alert and deeply calm at the same time. Over time, regular cold exposure may also help improve resilience and lower overall stress levels.

SHOULD WE INTENTIONALLY SEEK DISCOMFORT AS WE AGE?

Absolutely. The key is choosing healthy forms of discomfort instead of letting life simply become more comfortable. Whether it’s cold exposure, exercise or trying something completely new, those small, intentional challenges build resilience. As we age, it’s easy to settle into routines, but growth usually happens just outside of them. The challenge doesn’t have to be dramatic. It just has to push you a little beyond where you’re comfortable.

WHY IS SWIMMING SUCH A GOOD ACTIVITY AS WE AGE?

Swimming checks so many boxes. It’s easy on the joints, which becomes increasingly important as we get older, but it still provides a terrific cardiovascular workout. The water also creates gentle compression that improves circulation, and because you’re horizontal, there are additional cardiovascular benefits. Unlike many sports, swimming can adapt to different body types and fitness levels, making it something people can enjoy well into their 80s and 90s.

WHAT’S A REALISTIC WAY TO ADD MORE ADVENTURE TO LIFE?

Pick something that scares you just a little and try it. It doesn’t have to be skydiving or swimming in icy water. The goal is simply to step outside your routine. Novelty keeps us engaged, gives us something to work toward and reminds us we’re still growing. The more often you challenge yourself, the more natural it becomes to keep seeking new experiences.

IF THERE’S ONE LESSON YOU HOPE PEOPLE TAKE AWAY FROM YOUR REPORTING, WHAT IS IT?

Never underestimate yourself. I spent three years reporting on people who continually surprised themselves by trying new things later in life. That became my own experience as well. It’s easy to think, “I’m too old for that,” or, “That’s not who I am anymore.” But we often discover new abilities and new purpose only after we’re willing to step outside our comfort zone.

QUOTES

“Daughtering is the often invisible emotional, mental, logistical and identity labor that women do in families to stay connected.” (Dr. Alford)

“Women are doing so much more than they realize until all of a sudden they feel burned out.” (Dr. Alford)

“It’s so important that we call the things we do by the right name. When I’m caring for my parents or interacting with them, I am daughtering them.” (Dr. Alford)

“Being a daughter is something we’re born into and something we remain until the day we die, even after our parents have passed. We can find beauty and honor in that role when we elevate it and talk about its intricacies.” (Dr. Alford)

“Two things can be true at the same time. It can feel like an obligation, and it can also be something you genuinely want to do.” (Dr. Alford)

“I call myself the cruise director. I’m noticing who is where, who needs what, who needs to calm down and who needs a little conversation in the bathroom so we can all get ourselves together.” (Dr. Alford)

“Daughtering is kind of like pennies in a fountain. Each act isn’t special on its own, but over time those pennies add up to something incredibly meaningful.” (Dr. Alford)

“We’re not stuck in the family patterns we inherited. I don’t have to do daughtering exactly the way my mom did.” (Dr. Alford)

“Sometimes the greater goal calls for a little bit of friction.” (Dr. Alford)

“We’re starting each day with our battery at 30 percent, then wondering why we feel overwhelmed, resentful or burned out.” (Dr. Alford)

“Create a rubric for what an A-plus-plus daughter would look like, then aim to be a B-plus daughter. A B-plus daughter is still a pretty dang good daughter.” (Dr. Alford)

“Just because you can see what needs to be done and you’d be good at doing it doesn’t mean it’s yours to carry.” (Dr. Alford)

NOTES

Dr. Allison Alford is a professor at Baylor University, researcher and author of Good Daughtering. Her work focuses on family dynamics, caregiving, gender roles and the often-overlooked emotional, mental and logistical labor adult daughters perform throughout their lives. She has spent more than a decade researching how daughter-parent relationships shape families and personal identity.

Good Daughtering is based on more than 10 years of research and conversations with hundreds of women. Dr. Alford wrote the book to make academic research on family relationships more accessible and to give daughters, siblings and spouses practical tools for understanding the often invisible work women perform within families.

Dr. Alford defines “daughtering” as the often invisible emotional, mental, logistical and identity labor women perform to stay connected with their families.

She explains that daughtering extends far beyond caregiving and includes four dimensions: acting, thinking, feeling and being, many of which happen behind the scenes and often go unnoticed.

She believes society lacks the language to describe the unique role daughters play, causing much of their work to be mislabeled, overlooked or viewed simply as an extension of motherhood.

Rather than striving to be a perfect daughter, Dr. Alford encourages women to define what “good daughtering” looks like for their own circumstances and aim for sustainable expectations that leave room for other priorities.

She compares daughtering to putting pennies into a fountain. Small, consistent acts of care may seem insignificant individually, but over time they build strong, meaningful relationships.

She emphasizes that healthy boundaries are essential and reminds daughters that just because they are capable of doing something doesn’t mean they are responsible for carrying every burden.

Dr. Alford encourages families to begin conversations about aging, caregiving and future preferences long before a crisis occurs, reducing stress and helping everyone make more informed decisions together.

She believes the strongest family relationships balance obligation with gratitude, recognizing that caring for aging parents can be both difficult and deeply meaningful at the same time.

QUOTES

“Our lives have become incredibly easy. If you can find these small, healthy ways to stress yourself, you’ll become more resilient long term.” (Chris)

“If I’m choosing to get into this cold water, I’m choosing to go for a run—whatever it is—that positive stress provides a lot of benefits.” (Chris)

“You may not necessarily enjoy doing the hard thing, but you’re always happy afterwards.” (Chris)

“The more hard stuff you do, the easier it is to do hard stuff.” (Chris)

“I think we sometimes limit ourselves as we age in terms of what we think we can do based on our prior experience.” (Chris)

“You don’t need confidence to take action. It’s the inverse. By taking action, we build confidence.” (Chris)

“The wisdom. That’s what I see in my parents and the people I know who are older. I love sitting with them, talking with them and seeing their perspective. The ability to see the bigger picture continues to build as we get older.” (Chris)

“We get set in our ways with our community. Then suddenly you find this new world, these new connections, and realize that’s something you still can do.” (Chris)

“Pick something that scares you and do it. The more you do that, the more of a habit it becomes. That novelty is what keeps us feeling like there’s another challenge ahead.” (Chris)

“Never underestimate yourself. I think especially as we age, it gets easier and easier to say, ‘That’s not something I can do anymore.'” (Chris)

“Recognize the value of relationships. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized those long-term relationships are the ones you’ll really treasure.” (Chris)

NOTES

Chris Ballard is an award-winning journalist, bestselling author and longtime Sports Illustrated senior writer known for deeply reported stories about human performance, resilience and the psychology of achievement. His latest book, The Plunge, explores the physical and mental benefits of cold-water immersion through science, personal experience and compelling storytelling.

Sports Illustrated is one of the world’s most recognized sports media brands, known for long-form journalism, investigative reporting and award-winning storytelling. During his career there, Ballard has covered some of the biggest names and moments in sports while also writing books and features that examine performance, purpose and personal transformation.

The Plunge: Maverick Swimmers, An Unlikely Quest, and the Transformative Power of Cold Water was published in 2026 and follows a community of cold-water swimmers while examining the growing body of research around cold exposure, resilience and healthy aging. Ballard is also the author of The Butterfly Hunter, which explores people who found purpose by pursuing unconventional careers, and has written for National Geographic on healthy aging and lifelong fitness.

Cold-water immersion triggers an immediate stress response followed by a remarkable state in which the body becomes both highly alert and deeply calm. Repeated exposure may help reduce stress and improve resilience over time.

As people age, intentionally introducing small, healthy challenges—whether cold exposure, exercise or learning something new—can build resilience and improve both physical and emotional well-being.

Swimming is one of the best lifetime activities because it minimizes joint stress, improves circulation and cardiovascular health, and remains accessible well into older age.

Many older adults excel in cold-water swimming because life experience has strengthened their ability to persevere through discomfort. As Ballard learned from one athlete, “the more hard stuff you do, the easier it is to do hard stuff.”

One of Ballard’s biggest takeaways was that people often underestimate themselves as they age. Trying new experiences can reveal abilities and communities they never imagined possible.

Confidence doesn’t come before action. Instead, Ballard believes confidence is built by taking action first, even when the outcome feels uncertain.

Purpose becomes increasingly important later in life. Ballard found that joining a community, embracing shared challenges and maintaining meaningful relationships can provide direction, accountability and a stronger sense of belonging.

Ballard believes one of the best ways to continue growing is to regularly choose something that feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Novelty and challenge help people stay engaged, adaptable and excited about what’s ahead.

Finding the right senior living community starts long before someone schedules a tour. On an episode of Varsity’s Roundtable Talk, Derek talked with Brad Breeding, founder of MyLifeSite, author of Your Best Path Forward and a nationally recognized expert on helping older adults and their families navigate senior living decisions.

Brad shared why so many families struggle to compare community options, the questions people should ask themselves before beginning a search, and how financial concerns often go far beyond monthly costs. He also discussed the growing influence of adult children, why community culture matters more than flashy amenities and the trends he believes will shape the future of senior living.

Check out the full episode here.

WHAT MAKES NAVIGATING SENIOR LIVING SO CONFUSING FOR FAMILIES?

There are so many different options, but from the outside many of them look the same. Independent living, assisted living and life plan communities can differ significantly in services, pricing and long-term value. Then you add the industry’s terminology, much of which is used differently from one community to another. It’s a lot for families to sort through, especially when they’re making a decision they’ve never faced before.

WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST FEARS PEOPLE HAVE WHEN CONSIDERING SENIOR LIVING?

Cost is one of the biggest concerns, especially what the decision might mean for someone’s estate. Beyond that, many people worry they’re making their final move. They wonder if they’ll like the community or regret the decision after selling their home and leaving familiar surroundings. That’s why spending time in a community and getting to know the people before moving is so valuable.

WHAT ROLE DO ADULT CHILDREN PLAY IN THE SENIOR LIVING DECISION?

Many adult children have firsthand experience with caregiving and understand how emotionally and physically demanding it can be. The question isn’t simply, “How do I care for my parents?” It’s, “What’s the best way to care for them?” Sometimes that’s providing support yourself. Other times it’s helping them find a community that can meet their needs while allowing you to focus on being a son or daughter.

WHERE SHOULD SOMEONE BEGIN WHEN THEY START LOOKING AT SENIOR LIVING?

Start by asking what’s most important to you and why. What concerns do you have? What gives you peace of mind? Once you’ve answered those questions, you can evaluate the different options available. The goal isn’t simply to compare communities. It’s to find the option that best aligns with your priorities and future plans.

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BIGGEST MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT THE COST OF SENIOR LIVING?

Many people assume senior living is simply expensive, but it’s more complicated than that. Different communities include different services and use different pricing models. Especially with life plan communities, it’s important to look beyond the entrance fee and consider the lifetime value, future care costs and overall financial picture.

WHAT DO TODAY’S OLDER ADULTS REALLY WANT FROM SENIOR LIVING?

People often assume they’re looking for luxury amenities, but that’s rarely what I hear. They want a place that’s well managed, where they feel respected, connected and comfortable. They want flexibility, meaningful relationships and confidence in the organization. When I ask residents what they like most about where they live, the answer I hear most often is simple: the people.

—————-

The following is an excerpt from Your Best Path Forward by Brad Breeding, founder of MyLifeSite and a recent guest on Varsity’s Roundtable Talk podcast. Brad has spent more than 15 years helping older adults and their families navigate senior living decisions with greater confidence and clarity. Check out his full conversation with Derek Dunham on Roundtable Talk.

—————-

In 1950, there were just over 12 million people age 65 and over in the United States, representing around 8% of the total U.S. population. Fast-forward 60 years to the time of the 2010 census, and there were approximately 40 million people age 65-plus, representing about 13% of the total U.S. population.

At that point, as baby boomers began turning 65 at the rate of 10,000 per day, the growth of this age cohort accelerated rapidly, expanding by another 40% over the next decade alone to reach 56 million, or roughly 16% of the U.S. population. The pace of growth in the 65-plus population between 2010 and 2020 averaged about four times the annual growth rate seen over the previous six decades.

This trend is unlikely to slow down anytime soon. By 2040, the 65-plus population is projected to reach 80 million, making up nearly 22% of the total U.S. population. To put this further into perspective, it is expected that within the next 10 years, for the first time in the United States, the number of people age 65 and over will surpass the number of people under the age of 18.

Not only do older adults make up a much larger share of the population today, but they are also living significantly longer. In 1950, a 65-year-old could expect to live about 11 more years, on average. Today, most 65-year-olds can expect to live roughly another 18 years—an increase of about 60%. And of course, many will live well beyond this average, but often not without chronic health conditions requiring some form of long-term care.

This rapid growth in the older adult population, combined with their longer average lifespans, has far-reaching societal implications, placing additional strain on our healthcare systems and federal programs such as Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security, while simultaneously reshaping the labor force and economy. It also brings significant societal challenges, particularly in the availability of paid and family caregivers to support our aging population.

AARP prepared a study in 2013 analyzing the caregiver support ratio in the U.S., which measures the number of potential family caregivers age 45 to 64 for each person age 80 or greater. At the time of the report, there were more than seven potential family caregivers for every person in the high-risk age group of 80-plus. However, the report projected that by 2030, the ratio will decline sharply to 4 to 1, and it is expected to fall to less than 3 to 1 by 2050—a time when nearly all baby boomers will be in the high-risk years of late life. If this projection holds, it will represent a nearly 60% decline in the availability of family caregivers over those 37 years.

Adding further concern to the decline in both paid and family caregiver support is the fact that the number of “solo agers”—people who are growing older without support from a spouse/partner or adult children—is simultaneously increasing in the United States. Since the caregiver support ratio referenced previously only accounts for potential caregivers age 45 to 60, it does not include most spouses and significant others, who are often the first to bear caregiving responsibilities. Yet, the number of individuals age 80-plus who are solo agers is rapidly increasing. According to the Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University, there were around 4.5 million people age 80 or over living alone in 2018. By the year 2028, this number is projected to jump to nearly 7 million and then to just over 10 million by 2038.

These statistics raise an important question for our society. Where and how will older adults live and thrive? For far too long, our society has taken a mostly reactive approach to addressing the lifestyle and healthcare needs that we may face in the later years of life. All too often, individuals and families wait until a significant health event occurs before evaluating their options, shifting into crisis management mode without the resources, flexibility in schedule, physical ability, or emotional capacity to handle such a task. Yet, the above statistics make it startlingly clear that it’s more important than ever before to plan for your future, especially for those living alone or without available family caregivers.

Making a plan

While the rate of aging differs from person to person, financial planners and other professional advisors often segment retirement planning into distinct phases. Recognizing that the entire concept of retirement is being redefined, with more people choosing to work beyond the traditional retirement age of 65, planners generally view the early years of retirement as a transitional phase, often lasting about five years after someone retires from their career. This period is marked by the need to reevaluate spending habits, adjust income strategies, and settle into a new daily routine. For many, it’s also a time of rediscovery—figuring out what brings purpose, structure, and fulfillment now that work no longer defines their schedule or identity.

For a person in average to good health, the mid-retirement phase is commonly thought of as the period beginning around the early to mid-70s and lasting until the early 80s, or as long as the person remains able-bodied and high-functioning. Many individuals in this phase can live an independent and active lifestyle today, but this is likely to change as they age.

The late phase of retirement begins when a person’s health has declined to the point of requiring daily living support with little chance of restoration. Statistics from the American Association for Long-Term Care Insurance reveal that nearly 70% of all long-term care insurance claims begin after age 80. At this stage, the goal is that all the planning done during mid-retirement helps to make the transition as smooth and supportive as possible, ensuring a higher quality of life despite the potential for increasing care needs.

If you are approaching or in the mid-retirement phase, now is the time to plan for your later retirement years, while you are still active and able. Delaying important decisions about tomorrow’s needs may leave you and your loved ones facing difficult and often costly situations in the future.

One of the more important and complex decisions to consider in this planning process is where to live. The home and environment in which you live during these retirement phases play a significantly larger role in planning than many people realize and will likely impact nearly every aspect of your life and overall well-being.

Purpose of this book

Beyond motivating you or your loved ones to start planning, the primary goal of this book is to provide clear, straightforward information on the various retirement housing options- including aging in place- while also exploring the key considerations, benefits, and potential challenges of each. It is designed as a launching point to begin the research process as you contemplate the best retirement housing choice for yourself or a loved one with the understanding that even where you live today can potentially shape your future. No single choice is right for every person, and the path that is ultimately best will depend on your own unique set of circumstances and preferences.

There are numerous terms and labels used within and outside the senior living industry to describe the various living options. In this book, I will categorize each type of retirement community and clarify much of the terminology. Still, I urge you not to get too caught up in specific labels because a single term may be used in different ways by different people or organizations. By helping you understand how various retirement living options work and what to look for, you can consider how those options align with your desires and objectives without focusing so much on the labels or terminology.

As you learn about the various retirement living choices, keep in mind that paying for care and access to care are separate issues. For instance, owning long-term care insurance or having a substantial level of savings and assets will help pay for care, but it does not address the other aspect of the issue: where and how your eventual care needs will be provided and the impact it could have on your overall health and well-being.

Remember: You cannot possibly plan for every contingency because it is impossible to know exactly what the future holds, but by understanding the options, considering the pros and cons of each, and having advance conversations with loved ones, medical professionals, senior living providers, and other professional advisors, you can minimize and possibly avoid many headaches (and heartaches) in the future.

QUOTES

“We’re trying to reduce confusion among consumers, and we’re trying to help reduce financial anxiety around this decision.” (Brad)

“If people are confused about senior living or have concerns about affordability, they’re not going to move forward. Those are the things that delay the decision process.” (Brad)

“People don’t often understand that two communities may look very similar but actually work very differently and may be priced very differently.” (Brad)

“It’s so important to think not just about today, but about the future. Not just what it costs today, but what it could cost over your lifetime.” (Brad)

“Moving to a life plan community used to be celebrated as the last move you’d ever have to make. Over the years, I think that almost became a negative because it felt like such a final decision.” (Brad)

“It’s more important than ever to spend time in a community before you move, getting to know residents and making sure it feels like the right fit.” (Brad)

“Caring for a loved one is a privilege, but you also can’t deny how incredibly difficult the caregiving role can be emotionally, physically and even financially.” (Brad)

“What’s really important to me in my life right now, and why? That’s the real starting point.” (Brad)

“Nobody just wakes up and says, ‘I’m going to go check out senior living today.’ Something has caused them to start looking, and that’s what you have to understand.” (Brad)

“We feel the sales counselor should be the best resource someone has in this decision—not just someone representing a community, but someone helping them find what’s truly best for them.” (Brad)

“People just want a place where they feel comfortable, can be themselves, live with people they like, get up every morning, get involved with something and just be happy.” (Brad)

“When I ask residents what they like most about living here, the most popular answer I get is, ‘The people.'” (Brad)

NOTES

Brad Breeding is founder of myLifeSite, author of the newly released Your Best Path Forward and a nationally recognized speaker on senior living decision-making. A former financial advisor, he has spent more than 15 years helping older adults and their families better understand senior living options, financial planning and the aging journey.

Read an excerpt of Your Best Path Forward on the Varsity website.

myLifeSite is a consumer education and financial decision-support platform focused on helping families navigate senior living with greater confidence. The company also partners with senior living organizations, providing educational content and financial planning tools that help prospects better understand their options while supporting community sales and marketing teams.

Before founding myLifeSite in 2011, Brad worked as a financial advisor, where he saw firsthand how difficult senior living decisions could be for families. His newest book, Your Best Path Forward, is the third edition of his longtime consumer guide and explores the many paths available for retirement living. 

myLifeSite’s financial tools, including MoneyGauge, are now used by hundreds of senior living communities to help prospects evaluate affordability, compare scenarios and reduce financial uncertainty.

Brad believes one of the biggest barriers to senior living is confusion. Consumers often struggle to understand the differences between community types, pricing models and industry terminology, making it difficult to compare options.

Many people focus only on what they need today, but Brad encourages families to think about what they may need years from now. The best decision balances current lifestyle with future health, care needs and long-term financial considerations.

Cost concerns are about more than affordability. Many prospective residents worry about how a move could affect their estate, inheritance or long-term financial security, making education and financial transparency essential.

Adult children play an important role in the decision process, but Brad believes planning ahead can reduce caregiving burdens. He encourages families to focus on what provides the best care and quality of life, rather than feeling obligated to provide every aspect of care themselves.

Brad says the search process should begin with self-reflection. Before comparing communities, older adults should identify what’s most important to them, what concerns they have and what peace of mind looks like in the next stage of life.

Rather than acting only as salespeople, Brad believes community sales counselors should become trusted guides who educate prospects, answer difficult financial questions and help people determine which option is truly best for them.

While amenities matter, Brad believes relationships matter more. Residents consistently tell him the people are what they value most, making community culture, resident engagement and a strong sense of belonging more important than luxury features.

Looking ahead, Brad sees wellness and technology becoming even more central to senior living. He expects communities to rely more on partnerships, concierge-style services and holistic wellness programming that deliver greater value while helping residents live healthier, more connected lives.

Every one of us is aging, yet most of us think of it as something that happens to other people later in life. Recently on Varsity’s Roundtable Talk, Derek sat down with writer, editor and Oldster founder Sari Botton to explore why growing older is a lifelong experience. 

Through her writing and community, Botton is helping reshape the conversation around aging by bringing together perspectives from every generation. In their conversation, Derek and Sari discuss why our youth-obsessed culture fuels fear of aging, how intergenerational conversations can replace anxiety with optimism, and why there is no universal timeline for life’s milestones.

Check out the full episode here.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN THAT “EVERYONE IS AN OLDSTER”?

I’ve been thinking about what it means to get older since I was about 10 years old. Throughout life, we’re constantly leaving one version of ourselves behind to become the next. We leave grade school for middle school, high school for college, one job for another, one relationship for the next. 

Every stage brings its own expectations, questions and even grief. That’s why I say everyone is an oldster. Aging isn’t something that suddenly begins at 65. It’s something we experience throughout our entire lives, whether we’re thinking about careers, relationships, children or changes in our bodies.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO SOMEONE WHO FEELS LIKE THEY’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME?

I’d encourage them to ask, “What can I still do?” We don’t know how much time any of us has, but we can be intentional with whatever time remains. Rather than focusing on opportunities you may have missed, think about the goals that are still possible today. It’s never too late to pursue something meaningful. Maybe it won’t happen exactly the way you imagined years ago, but you can still make room for the things that matter most to you now.

DOES GETTING OLDER GIVE PEOPLE MORE FREEDOM TO REINVENT THEMSELVES?

Absolutely. I hear from people all the time who reinvent themselves later in life. They retire, discover interests they never had time to pursue, start new careers, develop creative passions or simply realize they finally have permission to try something different. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned through Oldster is that there is so much possibility in getting older. We often focus on what aging takes away, but we don’t talk enough about everything it can make possible.

HOW CAN WE COMBAT AGEISM AS A SOCIETY?

I think ageism largely comes from ignorance. People don’t really know what older adults are like or how capable they continue to be. That’s why I’m committed to making Oldster an intergenerational conversation. When people share their stories across generations, they begin to understand one another. Younger people realize that someone in their 60s or 70s is still living a full, engaged life, while older adults gain a better understanding of younger generations. The more we hear one another’s experiences, the more empathy we build and the less room there is for ageist assumptions.

QUOTES

“Everyone is an oldster. We deal with aspects of physical and emotional aging all the time. It’s not just an old person thing.” (Sari)

“We live in an ageist, youth-obsessed culture driven by capitalism. There’s money to be made by making aging a problem that needs to be solved.” (Sari)

“There’s no going back. You’re going to leave some things behind. That anxiety has morphed into curiosity about what other people’s experience is of getting older.” (Sari)

“When we’re not looking at ourselves in a mirror, we have these ideas of who we are that are based on past versions of ourselves.” (Sari)

“The intergenerational conversation happening on Oldster is helping people feel less trepidatious about aging. It certainly has for me.” (Sari)

“People kept telling me, ‘My life took off at 60… 65… 70… 75.’ They found new partners, new careers, stopped caring what other people thought and started taking risks. That really comforted me.” (Sari)

“Whenever we can really exhibit humanity in its truest form, it’s good. It reminds people they’re not alone in their humanity or their messiness.” (Sari)

“I like myself better than I ever have because I’ve become more myself. I’ve stopped trying to be who I think other people want me to be.” (Sari)

“I’m really just shooting my shot, and it’s paying off. As I get older, more confident and more skilled, I’ll shoot even bigger shots.” (Sari)

“I would say to anyone who feels behind in life: You do you. It’s okay not to be on track with everyone else.” (Sari)

“There is so much possibility in getting older. That’s one of the best things I’ve discovered.” (Sari)

“There isn’t just one right path. If you really listen to yourself and be your true self, you’ll find your right path. It might not match other people’s, but it will take you where you belong.” (Sari)

NOTES

Sari Botton is a writer, editor and founder of Oldster, a Substack publication exploring the emotional, cultural and personal realities of aging at every stage of life. A longtime journalist and essayist, she has become a leading voice challenging traditional narratives around growing older through deeply personal storytelling and intergenerational conversation.

Oldster is a reader-supported publication on Substack dedicated to reframing aging as a lifelong experience rather than something that begins in old age. Through essays, interviews and community discussions, it brings together readers of all ages to examine identity, relationships, purpose, grief, reinvention and the many realities of getting older.

Before launching Oldster, Botton served as an editor at Longreads, where she created the “Fine Lines” series that inspired the publication. She also edited the bestselling anthologies Goodbye to All That: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York and Never Can Say Goodbye: Writers on Their Unshakable Love for New York. She is currently working on an Oldster anthology expected in 2027, with plans for a podcast and television series that will continue expanding the conversation around aging.

Botton believes aging doesn’t begin at a specific age. She argues that everyone experiences aging throughout life as they move from one stage to the next, continually leaving behind previous versions of themselves.

She says our culture’s obsession with youth has turned aging into a problem to be solved, often fueled by marketing that profits from people’s fears about getting older.

One of the greatest benefits of the Oldster community has been creating conversations between generations. Hearing older adults share stories about finding new careers, relationships and purpose later in life helped ease her own anxiety about turning 60.

Botton believes one of the most overlooked realities of aging is grief—not only over physical changes, but also over saying goodbye to earlier versions of ourselves, changing relationships and unrealized dreams.

She encourages anyone who feels behind in life to stop comparing themselves to others and recognize there is no universal timeline. Every person’s path unfolds differently, and authenticity matters more than keeping pace with peers.

Rather than presenting an idealized version of aging, Botton believes sharing the messy, imperfect parts of life helps people realize they aren’t alone and creates deeper human connection.

Looking back on her own journey, Botton says growing older has made her more comfortable with herself, more willing to take risks and more interested in pursuing new creative passions. She believes aging brings far more possibility than most people realize.

Fraud has become one of the fastest-growing crimes in America, fueled by AI, stolen data and increasingly sophisticated scams. In a recent episode of Varsity’s Roundtable Talk, Derek talked with Kathy Stokes, director of fraud prevention programs at AARP, and Matt Mazenko, general manager of Nomorobo, about how consumers can stay one step ahead.

Together, they discussed why scammers prey on emotion, how AI is making fraud more convincing, why older adults aren’t the only targets and the simple habits and technologies that can dramatically reduce your risk. They also explained why reporting fraud is critical to protecting others and driving broader solutions.

Check out the full episode here.

WHAT HAS CHANGED ABOUT SCAMS IN RECENT YEARS?

Kathy Stokes: The biggest shift began during COVID, when everyone moved online. At the same time, organized crime transformed fraud into a massive global industry. Scam compounds in Southeast Asia now employ tens of thousands of people, many of them victims of human trafficking, whose sole purpose is to steal money from consumers around the world. This isn’t just an individual problem anymore. It’s a family problem, an economic problem and a national security issue.

Matt Mizenko: These organizations operate like sophisticated businesses. They have managers, quotas, bonuses, scripts and playbooks. AI has made them even more effective by helping them analyze personal information exposed in data breaches. Instead of asking for information, scammers now call already knowing details about you, immediately creating urgency and putting you on the defensive.

WHY ARE TODAY’S SCAMMERS SO EFFECTIVE?

Kathy Stokes: Criminals have always understood how to manipulate emotions. That’s been true for thousands of years. What has changed is technology. They can now scale those tactics, personalize them and reach millions of people. Nearly every successful scam includes three ingredients: an unexpected contact, a heightened emotional response and a sense of urgency that pressures people to act before they have time to think.

WHY DO SCAMS SEEM TO TARGET OLDER ADULTS?

Kathy Stokes: The biggest misconception is that scams only happen because older adults experience cognitive decline or aren’t tech savvy. That’s simply not true. Older adults are targeted because that’s where much of the accumulated wealth is. But criminals are targeting everyone. The danger of believing it’s only an older adult problem is that everyone else lets their guard down.

WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST RED FLAGS PEOPLE SHOULD WATCH FOR?

Kathy Stokes: If you don’t recognize the number, let it go to voicemail. Even answering for a few seconds tells scammers they’ve reached a real person, making your number more valuable and more likely to be sold to other criminals.

Matt Mizenko: If something feels urgent, emotional or too good to be true, slow down. Don’t be afraid to hang up and verify the situation yourself by calling a trusted number. Whether it’s a grandchild in trouble or someone claiming to be from your bank, take a step back before acting.

HOW SHOULD FAMILIES TALK ABOUT SCAMS WITH OLDER LOVED ONES?

Kathy Stokes: Simply telling someone not to answer the phone or click suspicious links isn’t enough. Give them context. Explain that fraud is now one of the biggest crimes in the country and that families need to protect one another. Make it an ongoing conversation where everyone shares new scams they learn about rather than treating it as a lecture.

QUOTES

“We cannot educate our way out of what is a $200 billion-a-year fraud crisis.” (Kathy)

“These businesses are businesses. They are criminal businesses, but they run like a business. They have targets for their employees. They have bonuses for their employees. They have playbooks and very sophisticated scripts. They very much know what they are doing.” (Matt)

“The bigger problem with AI isn’t deepfakes. They’re using AI to harvest the immense amounts of data that have been put out there on the dark web about each of us through data breaches.” (Matt)

“The criminals have had the same playbook for thousands of years. They know what to do to get a person to bypass logic and react emotionally. Before, they didn’t have the technology to scale and perfect it.” (Kathy)

“We’ve been allowing ourselves to believe that it only happens to older people because there must be some cognitive decline or they’re not tech savvy. We were looking for reasons to blame it on older people. That’s not the reality. They’re targeting everybody.” (Kathy)

“They’ve basically taken the practices that banks taught consumers and turned them on their head. They’re saying, ‘We’re calling to be your friend and verify this transaction.'” (Matt)

“If the number calling you is not a number you know, that’s a red flag. Don’t interact with it. Even five seconds of engagement tells criminals you’re a valuable number, and it gets sold again and again.” (Kathy)

“Don’t be afraid to hang up and call back. Anytime something seems suspicious, weird or like you have to decide right now, slow down and verify it yourself.” (Matt)

“We all need to understand this happens to everybody. The smartest, most educated people get scammed because it’s not about intellect or education. It’s because the criminals have a playbook, and it works.” (Kathy)

“Whether it’s Nomorobo or another solution, absolutely you should have something on your phone to protect against those calls. Full stop.” (Matt)

“If you did four or five simple things today, you’d be ten times more protected than you were this morning. But it shouldn’t be our job to protect ourselves when this is the number one crime in the country.” (Kathy)

“You don’t know everything. When you don’t know everything, don’t be afraid to admit it and look for somebody who does.” (Matt)

NOTES

Kathy Stokes is director of fraud prevention programs at AARP, where she leads the organization’s Fraud Watch Network and national efforts to educate consumers, advocate for systemic change and support victims of financial fraud. She is a nationally recognized expert on fraud prevention, financial exploitation and consumer protection.

Matt Mizenko is general manager of Nomorobo, where he oversees technology that protects consumers and businesses from robocalls, spam calls and fraudulent text messages. With a background in software development and mobile technology, he has spent his career building products that solve complex technology challenges.

AARP is the nation’s largest nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to empowering people as they age. Through its Fraud Watch Network, AARP provides education, fraud alerts, advocacy, victim support, a national helpline and volunteer-led outreach to help consumers recognize, avoid and recover from scams.

AARP’s Fraud Watch Network includes fraud fighter volunteers in every state, a dedicated helpline available to anyone regardless of age or membership, support groups for fraud victims and families, a scam tracking map, biweekly watchdog alerts and the award-winning The Perfect Scam podcast. The organization has also expanded its advocacy efforts at the state and federal levels to pursue systemic solutions to the growing fraud epidemic.

Nomorobo is a call-blocking technology company founded after winning the FTC’s Robocall Challenge in 2013. Its platform uses advanced analytics, audio fingerprinting and call screening to identify and block robocalls, spam calls and suspicious text messages before they reach consumers and businesses.

Nomorobo maintains a network of approximately 300,000 “honeypot” phone numbers that help identify fraudulent callers in real time. The company also partners with AARP to provide discounted protection for members while sharing intelligence about emerging scam tactics to improve consumer education and awareness.

Kathy says fraud has evolved into a global, organized criminal enterprise worth hundreds of billions of dollars annually and believes education alone cannot solve the problem.

Matt explains that modern scam operations function like sophisticated businesses, complete with employee targets, scripts, incentives and advanced technology.

Kathy notes that scammers rely on emotional manipulation rather than intelligence, using fear, urgency and surprise to push victims into acting before they have time to think logically.

Matt explains that AI is allowing criminals to gather and organize massive amounts of stolen personal data, enabling highly personalized scams that immediately establish credibility.

Kathy challenges the misconception that scams primarily affect older adults, arguing that criminals target anyone but often focus on older adults because they have accumulated more assets.

Matt encourages consumers to hang up, independently verify suspicious claims and never feel pressured to make immediate decisions during unexpected calls.

Kathy urges fraud victims to report incidents to law enforcement, emphasizing that fraud is a crime and that greater reporting helps illustrate the true scale of the problem while reducing the stigma victims often feel.

Both guests stress that consumers should use available call-blocking technology, remain skeptical of unsolicited communications and view fraud prevention as a shared responsibility among individuals, technology companies and policymakers.