Clutter isn’t about things, it’s about memory, identity and the fear of being forgotten. In our newest episode of Varsity’s podcast, Roundtable Talk, Derek sat down with Matt Paxton, nationally recognized downsizing expert and longtime host of A&E’s Hoarders, who has spent decades helping families navigate life’s toughest transitions through his company, Clutter Cleaner.
Matt shared why possessions feel like proof that we mattered, how trauma and loss often sit beneath clutter and why families must lead with love, not judgment, when starting the conversation. The following are some fresh perspectives from the conversation. Check out the full episode here.
YOU OFTEN SAY CLUTTER IS NEVER ABOUT THE STUFF. WHAT IS IT REALLY ABOUT?
Man, it is never about the stuff. It’s always about the people and the memories attached to the stuff. It’s not about the dining room table. It’s about the people that sat at the dining room table — or more importantly, the people that don’t sit at the table anymore. When you really dig in, clutter is about loss, trauma and love. We’re trying to fill a hole left by someone who mattered to us. The stuff is just a placeholder for that story.
WHY DOES LETTING GO BECOME HARDER AS WE AGE?
It’s proof that we existed. It’s proof that we mattered. And it’s proof that they mattered. We interviewed 100 clients last year, and the number one fear was that their parents would be forgotten when they leave this planet. Think about that — people in their 70s and 80s worried their parents, gone 30 years, would be erased. That fear makes us hold on tight. The items feel like evidence that a life happened and that it meant something.
IS THERE A HEALTHY WAY FOR FAMILIES TO START THESE CONVERSATIONS BEFORE A CRISIS FORCES THEM?
Don’t talk about the mess if you can see the mess. The only time you want to talk about it is when you see it, but that’s also when emotions are highest. So you have to change the tone. Start with, “We love you.” Stress the love. Instead of “How could you live like this?” say, “Wow, you had a big family. You had a lot of love here.” It’s all caused by trauma and loss. When you lead with compassion and align on the finish line — where they’re going next — the conversation changes.
YOU DESCRIBE CLEANOUTS AS AN ARCHAEOLOGICAL DIG. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
It is absolutely an archaeological dig. Every house tells a story — socially, economically, emotionally. I’ve seen it change families. We found a photo of a grandmother as a young woman, and it opened up this incredible story about her being an adjunct professor at MIT and having a whole life her granddaughter never knew about. That one picture shifted how the family saw her. When you slow down and treat it as discovery instead of inconvenience, it can be the most fascinating week of your life.
Want to hear more from Matt? Check out the full episode of Roundtable Talk for more fresh perspectives. Watch new episodes of Roundtable Talk on the Varsity website and on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeartRadio.
